Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
