You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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