my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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