Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
