i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
