He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
