She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
