but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
