Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
