i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
