Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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