I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
