it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
