We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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