dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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