I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
