If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The adults are the big ones right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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