It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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