somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Boobs speak an international language.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
