Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
