When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
