I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
