I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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