I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
