I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
