The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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