What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
