my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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