I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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