i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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