I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
