Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Green mimosas i think yes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
