He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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