I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
