$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
