You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
