Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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