Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
