is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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