in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
