I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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