It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
