You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
