I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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