My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
