but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
