Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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