I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
