two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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