im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Text me some of your sweat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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