Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So vagazzling was a success
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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